hey guys

So it’s been a while.
The last six months have been a definite learning lesson in so many ways. One thing I have learned, and I cannot stress it enough, is the value of self-care. I’m not talking about being self-centered or self-obsessed. These things are promoted so much in the world today and that’s not what I’m about. Caring for yourself, on the other hand, is a form of caring for others. This is a lesson that has been hard learned for me as well as my husband. While we are still on this journey ( have just begun it, in fact ) and have by no means mastered it in our lives, we have found out just how important it is.
Each person has their own unique make-up and genetic code. There is no exact formula that works for everyone. We all have to find out what works for us. Some people can sleep for four hours and proceed to have a thoroughly productive day. Others sleep for ten and still can’t seem to make it through without multiple trips to he coffee machine. (that’s me) One thing self-care is not, however, is thinking we can do whatever feels right to us at any given moment and that’s all that matters. Sometimes its being aware enough to know we need boundaries and being brave enough to set them for ourselves. Know your limits and respect them. Be open to adjusting and adapting. Set goals for yourself and if something is not working for you, change it! Here are a few things I’ve noticed to be helpful and maybe you can relate.

1. Stop the binge.
   TV. Snacks. Even exercise and sleep! whenever I’m feeling out of control emotionally and just plain awful physically, usually there is something I’m not balancing. Binge-watching my favorite show feels like an escape and a respite I need in that moment, but inevitably I’ve neglected some important task or simply stayed idle so long that my back hurts worse than when I started. But busting out a two hour booty boot camp out of guilt after spending six months on the couch will hurt me more than help. That’s why my motivational word for 2020 is BALANCE. Doing nothing is harmful but doing everything is impossible. Find your balance and resist the urge be all or nothing.
2. Communicate.
   Being an island never served anyone. Some of the worst days I have ever been through were a result of a lack of communication. My husband, Matt, is the sort to take the world on his shoulders and soldier on through difficulties in a mask of stoic silence. While the ability to carry on through tough times is such an admirable quality, our bodies and brains were not created to hold it all in indefinitely. Find someone you trust and tell them what’s going on with you. It doesn’t have to be pretty or make sense. Just talk. Not everyone will understand and that’s okay. they don’t have to. Just saying how we feel out loud is a therapy in itself. Not on Facebook or Twitter but real, face-to-face communication. And every once in a while, a person does understand. Sometimes more than we could even imagine. It’s hard to break away from the trivial and get down to the nitty-gritty. It is hard to put your trust in someone enough to share who you are deep inside because you might get hurt, i know. But do it. Talk to your friend, partner, parent or sibling. share the load, it makes it lighter.
3. Have Fun!
   Whoever said laughter is the best medicine is, like, really smart.
   Last Saturday, all I wanted to do was sleep. I felt so mentally exhausted and was in one of those head spaces where you feel like none of your friends actually like you and your just so lame that you should probably stay home. Everyone will just be focused on the fact that I’ve gained weight since having my baby and maybe they see me different now. I do. Ugh! (Boo Hoo Pity Party. Table for one.) I usually love being with my friends and crave socializing and connecting with people. Sometimes, though, our brain lies to us and it’s hard not to listen. Harder still to get out of the negative mindset. This particular Saturday we were invited to a family dance party at a friend’s house and decided to get out of our own way and go. It was so good for us. We were really feeling the love and laughing hysterically at everyone’s antics. After a couple hours, I found myself completely turned around and lip-syncing my favorite songs with gusto. (Wham!, is that you?) Watching my one-year-old son dance his way across the floor with his sagging diaper and bottle of milk definitely helped too.
   Life is hard and busy and crazy but taking the time to just put it away for a few hours and have some genuine fun can really carry you through. Don’t pass up opportunities to let your hair down. In fact, create those opportunities. Find the ones in your life that lift you up, and make it happen. Call them for coffee or a walk by the river. Have them to your house and cook together or play a game. (Catan, anyone?) It can be the healing we need to see things the way they are and not they way we think they are.
4. Drink Water
   It sounds simple, right? But oh how important! It’s so easy to get dehydrated, especially in these cold winter months. All I want to drink is coffee and tea and more coffee. Maybe some wine. But walking around trying to function and use your brain is hard enough. Not drinking water starves our brain and makes everything harder. I have heard it said that drinking a nice, cold glass of water can be more effective at perking us up and giving us energy than that cup of coffee. Never would I be so rash as to eliminate said coffee. But starting my morning out with a glass of water and a few drops of lemon or lime essential oil has really made a difference in my ability think clearly in the morning and the way I feel the rest of the day. Carry your bottle with you where ever you are and track how much you drink. set a goal of eight glasses a day and see how you feel. You might be surprised at the difference. I really feel the loss of it when I neglect this part of my day. Caring for yourself does not mean indulging in that sugary Starbucks latte because you only live once. There’s nothing wrong with that, of course, but truly caring for yourself and your body means giving it what it truly needs. Not just what it wants.
5. Set a schedule… and stick to it.
   This is perhaps the most important of all. I’m really good and writing a cute little color coded schedule for all my important things in life… and completely forgetting to look at it ever again. I can be a very organized person. Not my worst quality. However, my lack of follow through has turned that organization to chaos more times than I can count. Actually, that might be the thing that has been on the most predictable schedule of all. Breaking that cycle has been the hardest part of my upward progress to productivity. But the goals are ahead of me one by one and, though I don’t get up at four every morning to blaze the trail, I see a huge shift in my well-being when is stick to the activities I have planned for myself. For example, I made the determination to never go to bed with a dirty kitchen. I used to be in the habit of straightening my house up before bed but leaving the dishes until morning. After carefully examining why my mornings were so rushed and difficult I noticed that one contributing factor was my dirty kitchen. This led to being late, no breakfast etc. etc. Just this small shift in my routine helped me so much. Now, I wake up to a clean kitchen that smells fresh, a welcoming coffee pot ready to go and a much happier attitude. So look at your daily routine. Is it lacking structure? Are there things that just don’t work for you or make it harder to get things done? Make a schedule, write it down and the do your best to implement those things in your life.
   There really is a vast ocean of things that can qualify as self care. Surely there are a dozen other things that I have not mentioned that help me get through the day. What helps me may be different than what helps you. But these few things can really be the starting point you need, they certainly were for me and continue to be. Taking the time to analyze what that is for you as an individual can be challenging. But I promise you, starting small is so much better than not starting at all. Just, take care.